WORDS TO USE THAT KEEP YOUR CHILD WORKING WITH YOU
WORDS TO KEEP YOUR CHILD WORKING WITH YOU…
Developed by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka Ed.D. “Raising Your Spirited Child”
Author, Lecturer and Parent Consultant (Child Behavior and Sleep)
https://www.parentchildhelp.com
In consultation with Lynn Jessen M.A.
In those difficult moments, your reaction can change your child’s. Here’s a quick list of responses that help everyone remain calm. Select and memorize your favorites. Print them out and put them somewhere easily available. Make them your “go-to” statements. Then, even in the heat of the moment you’ll know exactly what to say.
BRING DOWN THE INTENSITY:
“I will help you.”
“I’m listening. I think you have something important to tell me.”
“I’m trying to understand. Tell me more.”
“Did that surprise you?”
“Did you have a different plan?”
SOLVE PROBLEMS:
“We are a problem-solving family.”
“We can make this work for everyone.”
“Tell me what you wanted.”
“Tell me what you do not like about...”
“This is what is important to me.”
“Let’s think of 3 things we could do that works for everyone.”
MANAGE TRANSITIONS:
“What do you need to do to be ready to stop?”
“You have ten more minutes. What else were you planning to do? Go do it.”
“Where would you like to save that?”
“What would you like to take with you?”
“Let’s set a timer so you know how long you have.”
SET CLEAR LIMITS:
“You can choose to ... (Walk.)” (What the child may do.)
“If you do not choose, I will choose to.... (Carry you.)” (What you will do if they do not do it.)
“I’m going to count to three. If you have not decided I will carry you.” (When you will do it.)
“You did not choose, so you decided I will carry you. Next time you can make a different choice.”
“If it is unsafe, hurtful, or disrespectful to self, others, or the environment, it is my job to stop you.”
MANAGE ANXIETY:
“Is today a day you want to dress yourself, or would you like help?”
“Okay, I will help you. Soon you’ll be ready to do it yourself.”
“Would you like to watch first?”
“I’m leaving the room. Do you want to come with me, or stay and play?”
“Would you like to know what’s going to happen? We can make a visual plan, so you know what to expect.”
BE ASSERTIVE RATHER THAN AGGRESSIVE:
“Let’s try that again, say it in a way that makes me want to listen.”
“I think you have something important to say, say it this way.”
“You can say, ‘I do not like that rule. Or “No thank you.’”
CHILDREN WORKING TOGETHER:
“When two children want the same toy there are many things we can do. Let’s think of 3 things.”
“You can tell her you do not want to share.”
“You can tell her you would like a turn.”
“What do you want to do while you are waiting for your turn?”
We wish your family Peace.
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